My grandfather passed away when I was 14. He had emphysema and had been on an oxygen tank for years..I loved him so much, still do.
He was a bad violent drunk when he was young but he was my sweet Grandpop, with dragon sleeve tattoos, he was also Buddhist in his latter years which I think brought him more peace that he needed to overcome his anger.
I always loved hearing his stories of running moonshine and hearing of his uncles in the Irish mob.
But I digress...his funeral was definitely an Irish one, my dad brought Irish whiskey and we heckled the preacher just a little because he was talking about how Grandpop wasn't 'saved' when he died but he was baptized as a kid so maybe god will have mercy on him.
My family doesn't believe all that..anyway I stayed with my Grandmom that night so she wouldn't be alone. I didn't even cry until I was trying to sleep and grief finally hit me.
I prayed to him and fell asleep with my tears. That night he came to me in a dream. It was just me and him engulfed in this glowing white light.
He had so much color to him, his skin was so youthful and his eyes were the brightest blue. We seemed to talk and laugh for hours but all I remember is him smiling so genuinely and assuring me "It's okay" I had never seen him so happy.
My home life was terrible, my parents weren't together and my mom made mommy dearest seem like a saint. She tried to make me anorexic, wouldn't let me even eat bananas when I was 95 pounds.
She had locks on the outsides of me and my brothers doors. She was on this big kick about wanting ne to kill myself when I was 15.
I was starving, had no self esteem and when I'd beg her to stop, I don't wanna fight, shed tell me "Just kill yourself" she would lock my door and be screaming and ranting, shed slide a razor blade under the door and keep screaming at me.
She is schizophrenic by the way. I remember one of these instances being curled up on my floor sobbing and I suddenly smelled him. My Grandpops old spice filled my nostrils, I sat up and felt him hug me,that's the only way to describe it. For the first time I felt loved and worth something.
I felt this warmth in my heart and even joy. I realized I was going to make it. Not long after that I ran away because things got worse and worse and no adults would help me not even my principal.
Id wake up with her on top of me with a pillow on my face,but she was weak. When I got caught six months later I moved in with my dad and my mom was in the loony bin, finally.
I really am so grateful to have a grandfather who loved me so much he comforted me even after his death. I cant wait to see him again one day on the other side.
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